ROLL OVER SANTA

An improbable Christmas Story

 

 

 

 

Vamp (patter)

What have we here? (goes to a large gayly decorated Xmas hamper and removes the lid. Takes out an enormous old leather-bound book. Blows on the inscription releasing a cloud of dust. Business. Reads) A Christmas story (Looks doubtfully at the audience) You like a Christmas story? (assessing the book by its weight as she lugs it over to the table) This is one HELLOVA story.

 

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their cots

While rotating Santas got tangled in knots

When up on the roof-top I heard a kerplop

And I fled from my pillow to see what was up

 

It’s an intruder

Without through-thinking it twice

It’s an intruder

The prospect wasn’t very nice

It’s an intruder

Until I clocked it in a trice

Oh God it’s Santa Claus

 

Vamp

(goes to replace book in hamper) Well that didn't hurt. Won't pull no Pulitzer. More? You want MORE? Gee whiz, I gotta train to catch. (Lugs book back to table, muttering under her breath) They didn't tell me nothin about more. Where was I?

 

The view from my window was filled wth such charm

I threw back the shutters and tripped the alarm

The rain on the trash in the theme-park below

Left a thin film of ash on the virtual snow

When what to my wondering eye should appear

But a thirteen-ton sleigh and a trap-load of gear

With a little old driver so prosperous and fat

That I knew in a moment just what he was at

 

Roll over Santa

Is what I heard him to say

Roll over Santa

I’ve booked my ticket for L A

Roll over Santa

Tomorrow I’ll be on my way

Roll over Santa Claus

 

(During the vamp walks front of stage and glares at the conductor. "You boys got a train to catch as well?"

Conductor: "No, mam." "Sure sounds like it. What's cooking you guys anyway? CHRISTMAS?!!")

 

As I drew in my head and was turning around

Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound

He had cross-dressed in leather thus settling a point

And as light as a feather was casing the joint

A cart-load of booty he'd picked up en route

He might be an actor except for the loot

A curious villain if ever there was

In fact my intruder the fake Mister Claus

 

Roll over Santa

I never could stand an elf

Roll over Santa

My kid has dozens on her shelf

Roll over Santa

I put a dozen there myself

Roll over Santa Claus

 

Vamp

Well there you are. Guy's a crook. He shoulda gotten himself an attorney to let him sign a sanity clause. Oh I forgot. There ain't no sanity clause.

 

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work

And he filled all the stockings then turned with a jerk

And laying a finger aside of his nose

And giving a nod up the chimney he rose

He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a shriek

And away they all flew like an air-borne boutique

But I heard him exclaim ’ere he drove out of sight

Right after he’d said merry Christmas good-night:

 

Roll over Santa

You will be swingin’ tonight

Roll over Santa

The bells are ringin’ out tonight

Roll over Santa

Tomorrow you’ll be on that flight

Roll over Santa Claus

 

Roll over Santa

I won't be back till next year

Roll over Santa

I sure have had it up to here

Roll over Santa

I’m off to seek a new career

Roll over Santa Claus

 

I went to Rio

With call me Cleo

When she said mio the cats came out to dance

Then on to Paris

With Bomber Harris

I took to Harris who in Paris took to France

 

Roll over Santa

I'm on my flight for LA

Roll over Santa

Go tell Pan Am I'm on my way

Roll over Santa

Tell Uncle Sam I mean to stay

Roll over Santa...

Roll over Santa...

Roll over Santa Claus

 

Music and Lyrics © 2015 by Timothy Higgs

Fully Copyright Protected by GEMA Deutschland