ACT II SCENE 3

 

[The Joyboy’s living room. AIMÉE and JOYBOY stand side by side facing a high-backed swivel armchair in which is seated the unseen figure of MRS JOYBOY. A caged parrot sits beside her. A column of cigarette smoke spirals upwards as she watches television. From the soundtrack of gunfire, she is obviously close to the climax of a Western or gangster movie.]

 

JOYBOY: Mom, I would like to introduce you to ...

MOM: [Sharply] Sit down till this is over.
 

[JOYBOY shows AIMÉE to a chair]
 

JOYBOY: The old lady hates to miss ...

MOM: QUIETLY!
 

[The pair sit in silence. AIMÉE is clearly uncomfortable]

 

MOM: He’s right there behind you! Shift yer ass, you pansy putz! [A shot; a bloodcurdling scream] Serve you right!
TV VOICE: “Hotshot in Havana” will continue after this commercial break:

KAISER GIRLS: [voice over]

THEY’RE FLUFFY SWEET AND FUN TO EAT

THE FLAVOUR OVERREACHES
YOU MAY TRY BUT YOU’LL NOT . . .

 

MOM: Turn it off.

 

[JOYBOY does so]

JOYBOY: Mom, I would like to introduce you to Miss Aimée Thanatogenos.
 

[The swivel armchair swings round to reveal the alarming figure of MRS JOYBOY. From her frilly but down-at-heel dress, and her excessive make-up, it is clear that Mom tries to present a vision of radiant youth – to disastrous effect]
 

MOM: Supper’s in the kitchen. Get it when you like.
JOYBOY: Hungry, Aimée?
AIMÉE: [thrown] No. Yes. I suppose a little.
JOYBOY: Let’s go see what surprise the little old lady has been cooking up for us.
MOM: Just what you always have. I ain’t got time for surprises.
 

[JOYBOY exits to the kitchen; AIMÉE shifts in her seat]
 

AIMÉE: That’s a very beautiful and exotic cockatoo you have there, Mrs Joyboy.
MOM: It’s a parrot. [Ignoring Aimée; to the bird] Sambo? Sambo? Won’t you speak to me?
 

[JOYBOY enters with two TV meals on trays]

JOYBOY: Why, Mom, you know that bird hasn’t spoken in years.
MOM: He speaks plenty when you’re away!
JOYBOY: [chuckling] Mom loves a joke.
MOM: JOKE! Call it a JOKE to keep house on what you give me and visitors coming in? [To Amy] I wouldn’t let any daughter of mine do the job you do. What about your mother? What does she think?
AIMÉE: She went East.
MOM: That’s where we came from.
AIMÉE: I think she died.

MOM: Better dead there than live here. You can’t find anything in LA. Look at that lettuce. There’s more things and cheaper things and better things where we came from. It’s like this dearie . . .

 

SONG: COMPANY

 

 

 

 

 

WE CAME FROM OUT EAST

I WISH THAT WE’D STAYED
EIGHT BUCKS FOR A FEAST
FOUR MORE FOR A MAID
AND NOW THAT WE’RE HERE
WE MIGHT AS WELL STAY
BUT IF ANYONE LISTENED TO ME

THEN WE’D BE STILL THERE TODAY

 

WE HAD A NICE HOME
A MODISH ABODE
A KITCHEN IN CHROME
AND FRIENDS DOWN THE ROAD

BUT JUNIOR KNEW BEST

“LET’S MOVE TO LA”
AND NOW AS YOU SEE WE’RE HERE

AND IT’S RIGHT HERE THAT WE’LL STAY

 

COMPANY
WE’RE JUST NOT USED TO HAVING COMPANY

THERE’S ONLY HIM OF COURSE MY SON AND ME

WE JUST DON’T NEED NOBODY ELSE YOU SEE

 

COMPANY
WE’RE JUST NOT USED TO HAVING COMPANY

A LACK OF FACES IS JUST FINE BY ME
AND THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT’S GONNA BE

AIN’T THAT RIGHT BIRDIE?

 

WE HAD A NICE CAR

VACATIONS IN MAY
NEVER WENT VERY FAR

THE ODD WEEKEND AWAY

HE HAD TIME FOR ME THEN

LIKE A LIMPET HE CLUNG

I WAS NICKNAMED THE VAMP OF VERMONT

IN THE DAYS I WAS YOUNG

 

OUR TROUBLES WERE FEW

NO PROBLEMS IN SIGHT
A VIEW OF THE PEAKS

ALL SMOTHERED IN LIGHT
HE SAID TO ME “MOM –
LET’S LIVE WITH THE STARS”
SO NOW AS YOU SEE I’M STUCK HERE

LIKE THE BIRD BEHIND BARS!

 

COMPANY
WE’RE JUST NOT USED TO HAVING COMPANY

IF HE’S NOT HERE HE’S DOWN THE ROTARY

OR SO HE SAYS – IF NOT HE’D BETTER BE!

 

COMPANY
MY SON HE KEEPS ME UNDER LOCK AND KEY

WE’RE IN A CAGE-FOR-TWO THE BIRD AND ME

BUT GIVE US HALF A CHANCE AND YES WE’D FLEE

BACK TO VERMONT

 

THE FOLKS THERE WOULD STARE

AT HOW I WOULD DRESS
BUT NOW I DON’T CARE
IF I LOOK A MESS

COS I’M STUCK IN THIS DUMP
THIS DUMP CALLED LA
SO IF I’M SEEMIN ANTI-SOCIAL

THAT’S THE PRICE YOU MUST PAY . . .

 

[Stage action – during which MOM turns on the TV full blast, trundles the electric hoover under their feet, puffs cigarette smoke in their direction, etc. Finally, she picks up the phone and yells down the line:]

 

GET ME OUT OF HERE!

THERE’S ONLY MY SON
TO HELP SEE ME THROUGH

I’VE ONLY THE ONE

AND NOW THERE IS YOU

 

THERE’S SIMPLY NO SPACE

NO SPACE IN THIS SLUM
THERE’S ONLY THE ROOM FOR THE ONE GIRL

AND THAT GIRL IS HIS MOM
 

COMPANY
WE’RE JUST NOT USED TO HAVING COMPANY

THERE’S ONLY HIM OF COURSE MY SON AND ME

WE JUST DON’T NEED NOBODY ELSE YOU SEE

 

COMPANY
NO SIREE
NO NO NO COMPANY
WE’RE DOING FINE

IF YOU JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME

 

[Spoken] How’s your meal, sweetie?

 

[BLACKOUT]